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Camp Felix R.E.S.P.E.C.T. | Sponsor a Camper

RESPECT

Respect for self and other

Engage in positive decision-making

Support each other at camp

Peaceful conflict resolution

Experience something new

Care for your environment

Tolerance for others despite differences

Guided by this philosophy of R.E.S.P.E.C.T. for the past 9 years, Camp Felix has offered an enriching camp experience for over 150 kids, completely free of charge. With the return of #SponsorACamper, we’ll highlight life at camp and with your help, make this summer the best yet. All donations go directly towards enhancing the camp experience for our youth. To donate go to: http://bit.ly/1dAWCXL

R : Respect for self and others. From basketball to soccer, Camp Felix offers a variety of sports for campers. Being part of a team teaches campers the value of good sportsmanship and the importance of treating teammates and peers with respect. By donating to Sponsor a Camper, you can help foster youth experience the power of positive teamwork, and allow them to gain social skills that will lead them towards forming successful relationships later in life. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

E : Engage in positive decision-making. At Camp Felix, campers get a chance to express their creativity through various arts and crafts projects. The act of making artistic choices has been shown to increase decision-making skills in youth and provide a healthy outlet for expressing feelings. Coming from a school system where many arts programs have been cut due to budgets, Camp Felix is a place where kids can experience the benefits creating art has on their confidence level and decision-making skills. A donation to Sponsor a Camper will expose a child to the powerful benefits of the arts. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

S : Support each other at camp. Camp Felix counselors, many of whom are foster care alumni themselves, work hard to make sure there’s a sense of unity and support among campers. Because all campers have foster care backgrounds, they’re able to relate to each other and create bonds that can last a lifetime. By looking out for younger campers and being supportive towards peers, campers experience increased self-esteem and a feeling of competence. Your donation can help kids from the child welfare system learn how to care for others, a skill they bring back with them when camp ends. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

P : Peaceful conflict resolution. Theater is one of the many activities at Camp Felix that help campers overcome fear and gain skills that allow them to address conflict in their lives responsibly and peacefully. The act of participating in a collaborative effort allows them to work through obstacles and equips them with the tools and words to face conflicts that may arise in the course of putting on a performance. By sponsoring a camper, you’ll be giving them a chance to improve their self-esteem and communication skills through theater. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

E : New experiences. For our kids at Camp Felix, going away to camp itself is a new experience. Many campers in the child welfare system leave difficult circumstances and have the opportunity to live carefree outside the city. This is a true luxury that our campers have not been afforded often. As new experiences affect change in us all, campers leave Camp Felix more confident and hopeful for their future. Experience something new. At Camp Felix, campers are given a chance to try rock climbing, an activity most would never experience otherwise. Beyond being a way to keep kids physically active, climbing up to the top gives kids a sense of achievement and an ability to overcome obstacles. A donation to Sponsor A Camper goes towards helping foster youth participate in valuable experiences like this that they would likely miss out on. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

C : Care for your environment. Like at most camps, Camp Felix campers are required to make their beds and keep their cabins tidy. Campers also participate in nature exploration, where they learn the importance of caring for the environment. These types of skills are extremely useful to youth living in the child welfare system. Feeling a sense of control and positive ownership over their environment aids children in becoming productive members of society when they grow up. Your donation allows foster youth to practice skills that help them to become successful adults. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

T : Tolerance for others despite differences. Camp Felix activities are designed to make campers feel accepted and valued. Being surrounded by peers with similar backgrounds allows them to feel like “a regular kid” – a feeling that is invaluable for foster youth. Though campers may have many differences, experiencing new things for the first time together, like learning to swim, brings kids closer together and allows them to become more tolerant of others. A donation to Camp Felix will allow a camper to participate in experiences that foster tolerance and understanding. #SponsorACamper #RESPECT

Click here to make a donation and sponsor a camper, or to learn more about Camp Felix.

June 16, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger

Baby Food Follies

Stephanie Kearns, our Director of Business Operations, shares her baby food tips!

As a little girl, I vividly remember watching Baby Boom with Diane Keaton as the high powered Manhattan executive newly saddled with an infant daughter. She quickly become overwhelmed by her dual roles and decided to turn lemons into lemonade, well, technically apples into applesauce. Dianne decided to forego her big time city job and start a baby food company. It looked like so much fun and easy! I thought, “I will definitely make my own baby food when I have a baby too! What fun!” Well, here I am with my first baby and I can humbly say, it is not as easy as it looks but I’ve found ways to make the experience fun in the real world. Here are my best tips:

Good storage containers are important! Scrutinize your choices and see what works best for you. Don’t forget to measure your freezer to make sure the base of the containers you choose fits
Buy storage containers for “on the road” They sell reusable pouches that you can freeze and take on long car trips
Fill each container only halfway. Little tummies need less food so you’ll waste a lot if you don’t plan for small doses
Get creative with new ideas or simply copy the ideas for pre-made food from Happy Family or Plum Organics. They always have yummy combos so I take their lead when possible
My favorite starter foods alone or combined: sweet potatoes, yams, butternut squash, carrots, peaches, peas, broccoli, bananas – all freeze very well!
Less water = better consistency
Chill the food first, then freeze. This results in less freezer burn.
Your food will not be as pretty as prepackaged food. Don’t panic, your baby doesn’t care about visual as much as taste
Always keep pre-packaged food on hand. Many times I forget to thaw out food overnight and have to turn to my trusty stock of pouches to serve up dinner. Happy Family and Plum make excellent options.
Don’t stress out if he/she doesn’t like your food. Keep reintroducing different options and go back to previously rejected items and you’ll often find they’ll eat it!
You can make a delicious broccoli/pea/squash soup out of the leftover puree. Fill all of your little tots food containers and keep the remaining in the food processor. Add 1 ½ tablespoons of cream or milk and black pepper and salt. Serve in a shot glass as an appetizer for dinner.
Make your prep work count twice! Chop your fruits and veggies and use 2/3 for baby food and 1/3 for baked goods or stews for a dinner party or family dinner.

June 10, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger

Picky Toddlers

Written by Foundling Guest Blogger, Stephanie Kearns, Director of Business Operations

My husband and I love food. It is one of our last remaining luxuries in a home that has been turned upside down by a wonderfully energetic 18 month old. So, you can imagine that when it comes to preparing food, we take our time, select near perfect fresh ingredients and make appropriate size batches to feed a family of three. It is a bit of a letdown when little L decides she has no interest in our adult food and has no patience to wait until the meal is prepared. But it is important to us that we challenge her palate and expand her interest in food choices. We have found a few easy and quick ways to satisfy our picky eater and try to use the same ingredients from our meals so we cut down on prep time!

Recipe: Chunky Veggie Omelet

Ingredients:

Frozen chopped organic kale, spinach or any green
Organic large brown eggs
Fresh leek, onion, scallion (whatever you have available)
Butter
Cheese (gruyere or cheddar) optional
Heat skillet to medium heat
Drop small spoonful or ½ Tblsp of butter into the pan
Chop 1 leek or 2 scallions and sauté until clear but before browning
Crack 2 whole eggs and scramble in bowl with 1 tablespoon milk and ½ cup greens (milk is optional)
Pour eggs in pan and gently cook to keep consistency chunky for little fingers to grab
Cook thoroughly, let cool for 3 minutes and serve

Easy snacks:

Hard boiled eggs
No salt large rice crackers
Carrot sticks
Frozen organic turkey meatballs
Chopped jicama
Fruit for little hands (blueberries, bananas, apples)

Happy eating!!

June 8, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger

5 Things I Wish I Could Tell Myself Before Baby

Written by Foundling Guest Blogger, Stephanie Kearns, Director of Business Operations

Don’t over-commit to things like writing posts or blogs, there is never enough time in the day! Only kidding. If I can impart any wisdom on mothers and fathers to be, it’s a privilege to share some helpful tips:

1. You will never be able to fully prepare. I know this is a tough pill to swallow but if you’re a perfectionist or control freak like me, it becomes an unfulfilling endeavor to make the scene perfect before baby. Do your best, get the most necessary goods and the rest will fall into your lap. Trust me, friends will come out of the woodwork and free goodies will fall on your doorstep. You will survive without the $300 baby monitor that allows you log on wirelessly.

2. That leads me to #2; Don’t go for the priciest items on the spectrum. That baby monitor I refer to above? I have yet to use it and babysitters and visiting family members can’t use it because it’s too complicated to set up. You have to download an app, make sure Time Warner doesn’t fail you and zoom the camera around wherever your little one decides to crash at that particular moment. Get the good ole’ fashioned noise notifier. It does the trick!

3. Breastfeeding vs. formula. Oh boy, hot topic! Yes breastfeeding is natural, amazing and magical all in one. But truth is, most people have an extraordinarily hard time doing it. Do not beat yourself up as you learn to embrace the idea of breastfeeding. Relax, take your time and supplement in between. I’m not a doctor but I found that stress contributed to making a difficult new experience almost impossible. Feeding your child, no matter how you choose to do it is the most important thing. Nourishment and love is what they need, not a frustrated mom.

4. Don’t overindulge in the internet while pregnant or once you have the baby. I spent WAY too much time looking up every single symptom, quirk and oddity that I experienced and wasted so much time when I could have been sleeping or bonding with my husband or baby. Take a class when you’re around 7-8 months pregnant and you will get the tools you need. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy believing that your baby has a lip tie and THAT is the reason they disconnect from the bottle or breast during feeding. Relax, they are just excited about the world around them.

5. My last piece of advice is to let go early. I love my baby girl, she is the absolute best thing I ever did and improved my life beyond measure. But don’t neglect the other areas of your life because of guilt or fear. Spend time with your partner, go out with your friends, ask your support system to babysit so you can read that book you’ve been dying to finish – heck you can still do it in the house – just get relief for those precious moments of pleasure. You deserve it and your baby deserves a parent who can love herself too.

June 4, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger, Partnerships

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 6

In this 6-part series, Dr. Baker will provide a summary of the topics discussed in the book.

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 5

The 45 memoirs summarized and analyzed in Bonded to the abuser: How victims make sense of childhood abuse, heartbreakingly portray the basic desire most children have – even those abused and neglected – to be accepted and loved by their parents. They depict a scenario in which – absent any external influence – that desire remains intact, intractable regardless of the quality of the actual parenting the children receive. The authors of these memoirs while growing up could not imagine a way to go forward except in search of the love of their parent. In that sense, they are profoundly stuck. There is no alternate path in view. They are filled with unrequited longing and stuck in the belief that it is the parent’s love and acceptance that will make them loveable and worthy of being loved.

Thus, one of the tasks of healing from this kind of trauma is to modify the belief that the parent must love and accept the child in order for the child to love himself and accept himself as a good and worthy person. In this way, the maltreatment victim needs to “unbind” or “unbond” himself from the maltreating parent, separating himself from that parent’s views of him. As long as the abuse victim’s mind is locked into emotional dependency on the abuser, there is little chance he can move forward away from the pain of the abuse.

It is clear through reading these 45 memoirs that the act of storytelling itself can play a central role in that very important process of untethering the abuse victim from the abuser. Storytelling has a long history in the healing of trauma, and deservedly so. The healing power of telling one’s story is certainly evident in the memoirs reviewed for this book. The authors painstakingly memorialized their painful childhood struggle with the hopes and expectations that in doing so they would diminish and manage their pain in a new way. There are many lessons that can be learned from these memoirs – summarized in Bonded to the abuser – that can be applied to the work that we all do every day with survivors of childhood maltreatment.

The New York Foundling’s Dr. Mel Schneiderman and Dr. Amy Baker are the authors of “Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse” – available May 16th. To purchase or view the book on Amazon.com please click here: Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse

To visit the author’s website: http://www.amyjlbaker.com/

Acknowledgments: Selected by Rowan and Littlefield for a book signing at the 2015 Book Expo of America

June 1, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 5

In this 6-part series, Dr. Baker will provide a summary of the topics discussed in the book.

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 5

The federal government defines neglect as a failure to act in such a way as to present an imminent risk of serious harm to a child. As can be imagined, there are many types of neglect. One type, physical neglect, was the focus of the six memoirs read for Bonded to the abuser: How victims make sense of childhood abuse. Physical neglect itself has several subtypes: abandonment (leaving the child unattended), expulsion (refusing to exercise custody of the child), shuttling (repeatedly leaving the child in the care of others), nutritional neglect (failing to provide proper nourishment such that the child is undernourished and/or chronically hungry), clothing neglect (failing to provide the child with appropriate clothing), and other (inadequate hygiene, reckless disregard for the health and safety of the child).

It is clear from reading these six memoirs written by adult survivors of childhood physical neglect, that as neglected children they suffered tremendous physical hardship. They were hungry, dirty, and left to fend for themselves for the better part of their childhood. They did not have even their most basic needs for food, clothes, and shelter met.

Nonetheless, it is also clear from these memoirs that these children loved their parents very much and had an attachment bond that could not be extinguished. One way that children made sense of their experiences was to interpret their parent’s neglect of them as being caused by the parent’s own pain and suffering. Thus, these children did not believe that their parents intended to hurt them, which prevented them from becoming angry at the very person who brought them so much of their own pain and suffering. What these children wanted more than anything was for their parents to put aside their own needs to see that their children were in need of not just food and shelter but also love and attention.

The New York Foundling’s Dr. Mel Schneiderman and Dr. Amy Baker are the authors of “Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse” – available May 16th. To purchase or view the book on Amazon.com please click here: Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse

To visit the author’s website: http://www.amyjlbaker.com/

Acknowledgments: Selected by Rowan and Littlefield for a book signing at the 2015 Book Expo of America

May 28, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 4

In this 6-part series, Dr. Baker will provide a summary of the topics discussed in the book.

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 4

The fourth type of childhood abuse discussed in Bonded to the abuser: How victims make sense of childhood abuse” is emotional neglect, a form of psychological maltreatment. Twelve memoirs were read in which emotional neglect was the primary or only form of child maltreatment perpetrated by the parent.

The memories of emotionally neglected children are stories of unbearable longing. They are stories of love and loss. They are stories of attachment and separation. They are stories of yearning against improbable odds for a parent to awaken from the slumber of self-absorption to once again look upon the child with love and affection. The stories are dreams of longing that never end, not even with attainment of adulthood nor the death of the parent.

As revealed in these stories, emotionally abused children want nothing more than for their parents to awaken from their self absorption and see them for the adoring children that they are. Unable to be seen through the fog of their parent’s depression, mental illness, and/or addiction, the emotionally neglected children were stranded, desiring the love and attention from a parent who was unable or unwilling to provide it. They were trapped by their desire to reclaim the love of a parent who was no longer emotionally present.

These descriptions of the child’s longing for the mother are consistent with what is known about how infants form and maintain attachment relationships with their first caregivers. Infants are born with a pre-determined capacity and need for attunement and connection with a caregiving other. This is a basic emotional need that is part of the human make up. Thus, the longing in the infant for the mother/caregiver is hard wired and present from birth, and remains of paramount importance to the child throughout childhood and beyond. The longing described in the memoirs is a poignant reminder of the power of the attachment bond, regardless of the quality of the parenting the child receives.

The New York Foundling’s Dr. Mel Schneiderman and Dr. Amy Baker are the authors of “Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse” – available May 16th. To purchase or view the book on Amazon.com please click here: Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse

To visit the author’s website: http://www.amyjlbaker.com/

Acknowledgments: Selected by Rowan and Littlefield for a book signing at the 2015 Book Expo of America

May 26, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger, Partnerships, Video Blog

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 3

In this 6-part series, Dr. Baker will provide a summary of the topics discussed in the book.

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 3

Not all childhood maltreatment is physical or sexual. Some parent hurt their children’s bodies and some parents hurt their children’s psyches. The third type of childhood maltreatment discussed in Bonded to the abuser: How victims make sense of childhood abuse” is emotional abuse. According to the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children there are six types of psychological maltreatment, four of which are forms of emotional abuse. These are caregiver behaviors that result in a child feeling unloved, of no value, and only of worth in meeting another’s needs. Twelve memoirs written by adult survivors of childhood emotional abuse were summarized and analyzed for this chapter of “Bonded to the abuser.”

At the heart of each story of emotional abuse is a parent whose heart is not in the right place, a parent who – because of depression, mental illness, or addiction is too self-absorbed to be emotionally present and consistently loving to her child. In these stories the emotionally abusive parents varied in their educational background, socio economic status, cultural affiliations, professions, and lifestyles. What they shared, however, was their overwhelming inability to recognize and act on the fact that their children were separate people with their own experiences, perceptions, and subjectivity. In other words, they met the definition of a “traumatizing narcissist.”

As a result of the emotional abuse by a parent, the children absorbed three important lessons about themselves and their place in the world: I am not accepted for who I am, I am not safe, and I am not important. In this way, parental acts that fall within the category of emotional abuse can penetrate the very being of the child and shape their sense of who they, casting a long shadow on their lives.

The New York Foundling’s Dr. Mel Schneiderman and Dr. Amy Baker are the authors of “Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse” – available May 16th. To purchase or view the book on Amazon.com please click here: Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse

To visit the author’s website: http://www.amyjlbaker.com/

Acknowledgments: Selected by Rowan and Littlefield for a book signing at the 2015 Book Expo of America

May 21, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger, Video Blog

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 2

In this 6-part series, Dr. Baker will provide a summary of the topics discussed in the book.

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 2

The second set of memoirs summarized and analyzed in “Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse” focus on sexual abuse of a child by a caregiver. Sexual abuse is both a criminal act and a child protection concern. From a child protection perspective, sexual abuse is defined as A) the employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement or coercion of any child to engage in or assist any other person to engage in, any sexually explicit conduct or simulation of such conduct for the purpose of producing a visual depiction of such conduct or B) the rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation, or incest with children. It is this last part of the definition that is reflected in the memoirs reviewed: sexual acts between a parent and a child.

An analysis of six memoirs written by adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse reveals that – in addition to often being frightening and painful – the most profound aspect of the experience is that it violates the child’s basic sense of trust and safety. The parent who should be protecting the child takes advantage of the child’s trust in him. In involving the child in sexual acts, the parent is warping the child’s identity as damaged and dirty, guilty, and shameful. According to the adult survivors, while the sexual abuse event may be of limited duration, the “stain” of the abuse can last for years if not decades. The desire for the atonement of the abusive parent is in many respects an illusion which maintains that parent’s power and control over the abuse victim. Healing begins when the abuse victim (as a child or as an adult) forgives and accepts him- or herself and no longer needs the abusive parent to serve that function.

The New York Foundling’s Dr. Mel Schneiderman and Dr. Amy Baker are the authors of “Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse” – available May 16th. To purchase or view the book on Amazon.com please click here: Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse

To visit the author’s website: http://www.amyjlbaker.com/

Acknowledgments: Selected by Rowan and Littlefield for a book signing at the 2015 Book Expo of America

May 18, 2015/by Elefant Design

Blog, Education, Guest Blogger, Partnerships

The New York Foundling’s Dr. Mel Schneiderman and Dr. Amy Baker are the authors of Bonded to the Abuser: How Victims Make Sense of Childhood Abuse available May 16th

In this 6-part series, Dr. Baker will provide a summary of the topics discussed in the book.

Bonded to the Abuser: Part 1

As anyone who works in child welfare knows, too often children are abused and neglected by their caretakers. We also all know the pain and suffering that parental maltreatment causes children both in the short run and sometimes over the course of their lives. What is less known is how strongly children feel the desire to remain with a parent who has mistreated them. This attachment to an abusive parent can be puzzling to an observer – and perhaps even to the abuse victim him- or herself. In order to better understand how and why children maintain bonds with abusive parents, we analyzed memoirs written by adult survivors of childhood maltreatment and have written a book, which is about to be released, entitled Bonded to the Abuser. The first section of the book describes and analyzes stories of physical abuse.

These stories are both moving and terrifying. In each, the author described severe physical abuse by a parent for the majority if not duration of their childhood. In response, the children (as described in the memoirs written when they were adults) wanted to understand why they were being hurt and, in the absence of any other explanation blamed themselves. They compared themselves to animals at the mercy of their abusers yet desiring of their love and willing to forgive them. They experienced their parents as omniscient, Godlike, and were obedient in response. They had empathy for their parents and wanted to understand what drove them to act as they did. They were hypervigilant of their parent’s moods and states of mind. They were afraid of losing that parent and yet wanted to be invisible to avoid further pain and suffering. They both loved and feared that parent. They craved that parent’s approval yet feared that parent’s attention. They lived in a state of chronic arousal. Perhaps most damaging was that the physical abuse became internalized in the child as a series of negative perceptions of the self as unworthy, dirty, and bad. The power the parents had over their children extended beyond the ability to inflict momentary physical discomfort. These parents had the power to define their children as worthy of abuse, a belief they carried within them for many years.

May 5, 2015/by Elefant Design

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